Avoiding and Pursuing Relations

Satsang Santa Veronica, Colombia, April 2025

Namaste, and welcome to our gathering. I’m grateful you’re here with us in this beautiful Caribbean setting. Today, we’re joined by a student who brings heartfelt questions about love, devotion, and relationships—questions that might help you reflect on your own heart and how you connect with others.

Avoidance of relations.

Student: Berdhanya, I wanted to ask why we don’t have or avoid relationships.

Berdhanya: That’s a wonderful question. Isn’t it interesting how, so often, when we’re in a relationship, we think about leaving, and when we’re alone, we long for connection? This push-and-pull is almost universal. But at the heart of it, we’re always in relationship—whether with people, with life itself, or with our own inner world. The way we relate is shaped by our first and deepest imprint: our original relationship with the divine. That foundational connection influences every relationship we have, whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or even the world around us. For example, if as children we learned that love is conditional, we may carry that pattern into adult relationships, seeking approval or fearing abandonment. Everything ripples out from that core imprint.

You have an original imprint. The original imprint with your divinity determines how you will relate in all cycles of your soul and with matter. That number one relation is the base of the quality, depth and intensity of how you relate. This is so important because everything will ripple down into all your relationships in and with matter.

The first question is, how do I conceive my relationship to the divinity?

Most of the time, we imagine God as something far away—a being who might punish us if we’re not perfect. It’s easy to believe we have to earn acknowledgment through our actions: maybe by being the brightest in the room, or always putting others first, or striving for perfection. We end up feeling like we have to prove we’re worthy of love or divinity, which can be exhausting. For instance, someone might constantly volunteer or work hard for praise, hoping it will bring them closer to a sense of divine approval.

Underneath all of this is a longing to be seen and acknowledged—a longing that can distort how we see both God and ourselves. Often, we forget we’re part of something vast, loving, and wise—a living, interconnected matrix of energy. With science and spirituality coming closer together, we’re starting to see God not as a distant judge, but as an incredible intelligence that’s alive and evolving. Imagine a huge, ever-changing network: some parts are just being born, others are growing and experimenting, and some are ancient and wise, like elders who have seen many cycles. All of these parts are within us too, shaping our soul’s journey. For example, just as a tree is both rooted and reaching for the sky, we’re both individual and part of this greater whole.

In that vast living network we call God, there are so many possibilities and expressions—different ‘races,’ energies, and experiences. As we start to reclaim our sense of belonging in this network, it’s key to notice how our definition of God shapes how we see ourselves. If you see God as something to outsmart or control, you might find yourself always striving, pushing, and needing to prove yourself. On the other hand, if you see yourself as unworthy, always below God, you may feel you have to earn your place. Either way, the way you define God is the way you define yourself—and that definition will show up in every relationship, whether with a friend, a partner, or even your own role in life. For example, if you believe God is loving and inclusive, you’re more likely to welcome others and yourself with compassion.

There are three essential parts to consider when correcting your divinity.

1.    Consider the information deposited in the cave of your heart. There is an actual seed (I call it essence) with all the information about this incredible matrix. It is a little capsule located in the very depths of the cave of the heart, which mystics have named the heart’s cave. You need to relate to your essence.

When you connect with your essence—the deepest part of your heart—you start to see that God isn’t just out there, but is also inside you and all around you. You realize you’re part of this divine matrix and actively participating in it. Your body, your actions, your choices—they all carry that resonance. For example, you can take God for a walk, share a meal with God, or swim with God—because that divine presence is always with you. This perspective gives you freedom to grow and relate in ways that suit your unique journey. Instead of measuring emotional success by traditional standards—like having one partner, getting married, or having children—you can honor your own path, even if it looks different. Maybe you chose to explore different types of relationships or periods of solitude; that’s not a failure but a conscious exploration. For instance, someone who chooses to travel the world alone is not “less than” someone who marries young; both are valid expressions of relating.

It’s important to notice how our original imprint influences the way we love and devote ourselves in relationships. When we feel disconnected from our divine nature, our priorities can get mixed up—we might put our partner first, or our job, or even our children, and forget to nurture our own essence. The right order of devotion helps keep us strong and centered: first, your connection to the divine (however you experience it—through meditation, prayer, or quiet reflection); second, care for yourself (your health, your needs, your joy); and then, care for your loved ones, whether that’s your children, your partner, or friends. For example, if you skip your morning meditation to please everyone else, you may soon feel drained. But if you take that time for yourself first, you’ll have more energy and love to give others.

If you invert the equation, your relations will have a different center that does not consider your divine nature as the great commander of all you are. It will be exposed to pain, resentments, power trips, you will be confused about where to belong and what to worship, etc. Most dangerously, you lose the proper understanding of what God is.

You are inverting not only personal relationships but also all other forms of life. You and your essence have to have a very well-established relationship.

Second, we need to consider another space. From the essence of your heart towards your throat, there’s a nadi of communication. Communication is beautiful because it’s not necessarily what you say but the frequency with which you say it.

Just the other day, for example, we were gathered for a fire ceremony, chanting a mantra together. I noticed the group was reciting the words perfectly, but something was missing—the energy, the vibrancy, the heart. It was as if the words were empty, lacking color or life. You can say all the right things, but if your heart isn’t in it, if your essence isn’t present, then you’re not really connecting. It’s like singing a song without feeling—technically correct, but it doesn’t move anyone. This is the difference between simply speaking and truly relating through resonance.

When you speak from your essence—what yogis call the Saraswati nadi—your words are alive. That aliveness forms genuine connections. Think of it like tuning a musical instrument: when you’re in tune, you attract harmonies around you. For example, if you greet the gardener with real warmth instead of just saying hello out of habit, you can feel the energy shift—both of you might smile, and the day feels brighter. That’s resonance in action. It’s your devotion expressing itself in everyday moments.

That’s why, in bhakti yoga, chanting is such a powerful practice. When a chant touches your heart, you might feel tears in your eyes or a deep sense of joy. Think about a song that moves you to tears—not because the words are perfect, but because it connects with something inside you. In the same way, when you communicate with genuine aliveness, you awaken devotion within yourself and others. The true measure of your communication is the quality of connection and love it inspires.

If you are not imparting live communication, you are aloof. You speak with a certain value. Let’s say, ‘Oh, I know better,’ or tell me what you know. It becomes mental, expecting that pronounced words clarify your identification and give the value you have about the potential relationship in front of you.

If there is no linking resonance, you will not make any relation. A deep sense of no belonging will be there due to the lack of living contact; no one can penetrate your heart either. Speaking without the “I am” is communicating without an activated resonance. You can be there, thinking you are available, but there is no reach out or in. Is it just not penetrating the hearts of others. Therefore, you are training your thoughts to avoid creating contact or relations. It is essential to clean the imprints of that misconception and to relax about where you are.

My third point relates to your heart’s connection to your navel center. In the kandasthana, or below the navel, we have an accumulation of nadies. The Yoga text mentions 72.000 of them. A few of those nadies connect to the essence of the heart. This nadi plays a special role in our relationships, particularly in our emotional security. Our navel has four primary emotions: generosity, joy, gied and grief.

This is also about your connection with the Earth itself. When you feel secure in your essence, you don’t need labels or outside validation to know who you are. You can move through life with joy and gratitude, seeing every experience as a chance to grow. For example, instead of trying to control every outcome or prove yourself to others, you can simply enjoy the present moment. True security means your willpower isn’t about dominating or forcing, but about moving in harmony with your heart.

When you’re truly secure, you don’t have to announce it or prove it to anyone—not with loud words, strict boundaries, or constant self-assertion. You just are. For example, someone who’s secure in themselves doesn’t need to dominate a conversation or set rigid rules with friends; their calm presence speaks for itself. But when your sense of security is shaky, you might overcompensate—working extra hard to get approval, or using spiritual practices to set yourself apart. That creates tension instead of connection. The key is realizing your will and the divine will are the same, and letting go of ego-driven defences.

This nadi protects the security that makes you attractive, available, and ready to face anything. It also supports an inner commitment that reassures your identity in any cycles of change on Earth. Without this component, you cannot manifest relationships, and if you do, you will not be 100% with them. Energetically, you can not sustain strict willpower and the softness and sincerity of love.

If this is your case, do simple things to accept the will of others, put rose oil in your navel, and be aware of the internal choice you are making, “either my will or a relationship.”

These two Nadis are somehow related to manifesting relationships from the heart. You can also have manifestations from the second chakra; you have a great sex life, which can be included, obviously, and should be included with the proper partners.

If you want the whole, you must see the many lines of the heart. For example, other Nadis are even more subtle, such as those of the cross symbol, which promote fairness in relations. You receive what is just to you, in the love and fraternity of life, and where you receive and provide fairly, various frequencies.  So, it’s not only men or women that we don’t manifest; we need to consider many things in terms of how and why we manifest.

As a result of the ‘loosening’ of these nadis, consciousness, in the form of energy, flows through the whole system. The net result of all this is that consciousness, as inseparable from energy, ‘recognizes’ the ‘oneness’ of energy and its interdependence directly. One sees that the energy flow in the body equally affects thoughts, feelings, and well-being, and that no hard lines can be drawn as definitive boundaries, such as me or mine, or you and yours. On an intellectual level, this does not work; it is nonsense and can only lead to misunderstanding. This is not a view or opinion; it is only valuable as an experience. When held in the right way, the experience of interdependence then conspires to undermine a dualistic relationship to life that always divides, creating the polarities that underpin war, strife, violence, separation, and all that creates doubt, confusion, uncertainty, and fear.

Let’s also remember that not being in a relationship can be a conscious choice, not a deficiency. Maybe in this lifetime, your soul chose to focus inward. That doesn’t mean you’re isolated or incomplete. Society often says things like, “You’d be so happy if you just got married!” or “Why are you still single?”—but those opinions can be stressful and make us question ourselves. In reality, choosing solitude or non-traditional relationships can be just as valid and fulfilling as any other path. For instance, someone might feel more whole exploring their creativity or spiritual path alone for a time.

It’s also possible that your soul chose, in this lifetime, not to focus on certain types of relationships—maybe sexual partnership isn’t central for you right now, or maybe it comes and goes in different forms. You’ll know you’re on the right path if you feel at ease and your heart feels open, regardless of your relationship status. For example, someone who enjoys deep friendships but doesn’t seek romance can be just as fulfilled as someone in a long-term partnership.

It all comes down to how you define God and how that relationship defines you. The moment it is harmonized, you’re free. You don’t need the man or the woman as proof that you’re okay, or that you will fulfil that sense of belonging, or that it’s not fine to be alone. So, it’s much more subtle, it’s complex because the soul chooses different relations, and it’s important to accept that you may have chosen solitude to go deeper in your spiritual path. However, be aware not to use the spiritual path to avoid relating with humility.

When the God definition disappears, God becomes you in a humble and detached way. You find reverence in everything and everybody. When you’re God and animate God joyfully, simply, and constantly, you open the door to infinite levels of relationship.